Today I went to the dentist. Really, the only good thing for me about going to the dentist is being done with the dentist and then not having to go for another six months.
Lots of people say, “Oh, it’s not a big deal.” And while I have never had a cavity, it is still a traumatic, awful experience for me. Let’s break down all the reasons why dentists are the worst/why I don’t get them:
1) They always make you feel awful, no matter what. “Someone’s not flossing much, huh?”, “Do you sleep with your mouth open?”, “I make so much more money than you do.” OK, they never say that one out loud, but I’m sure they think it inside.
2) The noises those instruments make! I think a horrible inventor decided one day to make a high-powered polisher, but then cackled evilly and decided to make the polisher in a way so it makes the most high-pitched noise possible. That way, the inventor thought, they’ll be miserable AND think their teeth are being sawed through!
3) The in-office flossing could be used to torture suspects into confessions, I’m sure of it. The military just hasn’t realized that yet.
4) The taste of latex gloves in your mouth has to be one of the worst. No questions asked.
5) Correct me if I’m wrong, but teeth scraping is possibly the only thing we’re subject to listen to as it works its magic. Antibiotics? Don’t hear those disintegrating in your stomach as they go to attack that infection. Ice packs? Don’t have to listen as it takes down the swelling from your bruised knee or whatever. But the scraping of the teeth has to be the worst. I’m convinced my teeth are chipping apart as they go.
6) The bib. First, it makes you feel like a baby again. Second, having to see everything from your mouth that they wiped off on it during your appointment? Gag me.
That’s the short list. Dentists are icky.