Today my family went to the Wisconsin State Fair, something I loved going to when I lived with them still. They are wonderful (or cruel, depending on your angle) and texted me photos of all the funny animals and delicious food they were eating.
And then my brother sent me a thread of emails with a hilarious version of his State Fair journey. I still think he could have been a writer, buttttttt he decided to use his genius brain for the world of computer programming.
Below is Wisconsin State Fair, told through my brother’s words/photos. One inside joke you will need to know: Growing up, I had a rabbit named Gabby. I was the only one in my family who liked her; she was a bit of a menace. In hindsight, I have come to realize she was an evil bunny.
Our journey began as we gazed upon noble cow, fervently sniffing ‘neath the freshly relieved cow companion.
He turned and looked at us. He knew what we had saw but yet…there was no remorse in his eyes. Simply pity. He looked at us as if we were insects. It only could be described as mortifying. The ray of light shone behind his regal maw, gently highlighting his majestic face.
The brown cow gazed at us as if he had a secret to hide. But it was all too obvious: this cow was full of the finest chocolate in the land. He stuck his nose in the hay defeatedly. He wasn’t going to admit it to himself, but he knew we knew. But he couldn’t stay depressed for too long; who could with such fine jewelry dangling from their floppy bovine ears?
The two cattle stared at each other intently. One had scorn in their eyes, the other had naught but fear. I shuddered to know what would happen next. Would a fight break out? Somehow, that seemed to be the most favorable scenario. I briskly walked away from the sticky situation like a cat on a hot tin roof, lest I be caught up in the ensuing maelstrom.
Jettisoning the bovine kind entirely, I stumbled upon something of a more… feathered persusasion. The steely bars framed his face. He was nothing but a jailbird. I looked into his glum eyes and a solitary tear ran down my cheek. Shall I stage a jailbreak, I thought to myself? Nah, I shant, I reconsidered. I had to press on. I knew it was fowl play, but there were bigger rabbits to fry.
The bunny rabbit flittered its nose at me as if it were trying to tell me something. A secret, perhaps? I went in closer, as if for a kiss.
The bunny rabbit rebuffed my advances, or at least what it perceived as such. Perhaps it wasn’t trying to tell me anything after all. Or perhaps it was too perturbed and didn’t think I was worthy of bestowing such wisdom upon anymore. None could know. Certainly not the girl with the green hat. She simply continued staring blankly ahead.
Trudging grudgingly onwards, I finally felt a glimmer of joy, as a newfound friend flashed a gleaming smile up at me. I pensively smiled back at her.
But it seemed I had made a tragic misread, as she frowned back at me. She was absolutely disgusted. I nervously backed away.
I then met her second cousin, once removed. It seemed, perhaps, she had run a number on him just as she did me. He stared ahead as if he were gazing across a thousand yards. I knew right then and there he had seen some horrors that I could never even dream of. I nodded my head respectfully and promptly let him be.
And that’s when… I found her. Gabriel. Or Gabby, for short. She stared at me with vitriol in her eyes. I wanted to say “it’s not my fault,” anything to calm the wretched beast. But before I could utter a single syllable, Gabby whispered, “Find her.” I knew exactly what she meant. I dashed out of there with the speed of a comet.
I knew where to go, but the sea of bodies made me despair. No matter; I knew I must press on. Or face certain death from the hare.
I made it. I found her. “Bitter,” she read. I nodded.
But wait, there was more! I quickly read through and thought to myself for but a second. Then I nodded even more forcefully. Having found exactly what I was looking for, I dashed back, hoping my parental unit had stayed in the same place.
Indeed they had. Just as I left them.
Suddenly, Amanda. And just like that, the journey had ended almost as soon as it had begun.