This blog post is going to be a bit different than my norm. It’s going to fit more in the “soul-bearing” category, so you’ve been forewarned.
I’m a dreamer. I have big plans for my future. I’d like to travel around the world (upcoming entry on that, especially since I despise being in an airplane for more than an hour). I want to write a book. I’d like to get married. Adopt a few kids. Go to a Packers game. Go on a date with Aaron Rodgers (just kidding, kind of). Go parasailing. Be in the front row for a concert. Go to the Olympics. Make a significant mark on the world. Be invited to the White House for one reason or another. Help raise awareness about the importance of organ donation. That’s a short version of it.
But here’s where it gets hard. Because ultimately it’s not up to me. Sure, I can do the most possible with my God-given life and talents, but my life is not my own in the end. I’m a huge control freak when it comes to my life, and giving it over is not something that comes easily.
I’ve been hanging on super tight to several dreams of mine lately. I’ve been pushing and praying for them to happen. But surrender? That’s way too scary. That would mean releasing my death grip on them and letting God take over.
But it just hit me that I have to. Because I’ve never been in control, nor should I be. I do believe God has a plan for me that is bigger than the one I have for myself.
However, this revelation doesn’t make giving it up easier. I still fight for control all.the.time. One of the hardest things for me to do with anyone is trust them. If there’s something I can get done on my own in a quick manner, I’ll do it. And while that works fine and dandy for my work life, it doesn’t for my personal life.
So here’s what this whole ramble fest boils down to: I’m giving up control. I’m tired of saying I just want God’s will for my life, and then not living it out. I’m tired of stressing my body out. I’m tired of not putting my complete faith in the One who knows best.
There it is. Dirty laundry and all. And now I’m going to listen to that video I have embedded above one more time…