Dedication

My soul twin’s gettin’ hitched! (also: bridesmaid giddiness)

385396_10150943604506971_1721998316_nAllow me to gush for just a moment. One of my dearest friends, the person I refer to as my “soul twin,” got engaged a few weeks ago. Though I now live over a thousand miles away, squealing about it over the phone with her was an awesome experience.

One of the great things about friendships is that each one is different. Different levels of connection, different things you’re in sync about, different plans you make together, and so forth. And I will never forget the moment Christyn and I realized we’re basically the same person in two different bodies, thus “soul twins.” We were at my apartment having a chick flick night and she was explaining how she feels like she’s a gypsy on the inside. To which I yelled out, “THAT’S SO ME!” It sounds silly and corny to most of you probably, but it was a huge moment for us realizing we weren’t alone in the way we felt about life.

Another big moment for me in our friendship was when our group of friends went camping together (one of my favorite Texas memories). Several of us had to travel up a day later than the rest of the gang, so we arrived at the camp (really, a shack in the middle of the Hill Country of Texas) rather late that night to be joined up with the group returning from the swimming hole, which was when Christyn, soaking wet, jumped off the pick-up and ran to give me a big hug as she said, “I’ve been waiting for you to come! I kept thinking yesterday about how I couldn’t wait until you got here!” We bonded a lot on the trip, especially when we had to deal with the discovery of a mouse in the toilet at 3 a.m. (but that’s a story for another day).

Christyn also brought me Chick-fil-A when I was sick with a migraine one day. (Strangely that was the only thing that sounded good to me in the moment.) That is a sign of a true friend.

I had been planning to make a return visit to Texas sometime in the near future, so Christyn + Richie’s wedding was a perfect catalyst to make it a reality! I’m very excited to see everyone again.

And then Christyn called me today and asked if I would be one of her bridesmaids. Words cannot express how giddy I was. I’ll blame part of it on the fact that I’ve never been a bridesmaid before, but it was mostly because it means so much to me that I’ll be able to stand up with such a great friend as she marries the love of her life.

And now I need to get IN SHAPE. Ha. Which is also perfect timing because I really did want to focus on working out on a consistent basis come 2013, but wasn’t sure if I could fully commit and convince myself to follow through. This is definitely the kick in the rear I needed. So I’ll be keeping you all posted on that progress!

All that to say: Christyn + Richie, I am so happy for you two. And I cannot wait for the party that will be your wedding. 🙂

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Soul-bearing

This is a post I’ve wanted to write for awhile, but haven’t. Fought in my soul. Fought my fingers from writing it. Because it hurt too much to put down, I thought. To admit it out loud. To share these things that well up within me but I fight away, as if it makes them less of thoughts.

But then I read this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, etc. blog post  and I realized I could, even though she basically already said so many things so perfectly that I may just end up repeating things in a less graceful way.

See, there’s this thing that happens all the time, but seem to intensify leaps and bounds during this magical time of year. And by that, I mean: CHRISTMAS.

I love the holidays. Thanksgiving through New Year’s = my favorite stretch of the year. I would live it 365 if possible. I love the music, the spirit, the shopping (mostly), the parties, the food…you get the idea. But there’s an underbelly to the holidays that I hate that I get sucked up into.

It’s the desire for someone special to share the holidays with.

When it became a thing feel like poo at Christmas because you have no one to kiss under the mistletoe, I don’t know. I blame those “Every Kiss Begins with Kay” commercials. But I get sucked up into it every stinkin’ year. I resist for awhile and tell myself, “This year, I’ll be juuusssttt fine.” And then the first holiday party happens (you know, the one where everyone else has a significant other except you) and I find myself not just fine and eating a bowl of peppermint ice cream (for the holidays, ya know?).

It already happened to me this year before I went to a party. I was thinking about an annual get-together my family has with dear friends and remembered that every year I think to myself, “This time next year, I’ll be bringing a boyfriend.” I tell myself that to get me through the current year. It makes it seem OK for the moment.

But it’s not. It’s not OK that I tell myself that just to make it through. Because that is not what my life is all about.

What will I miss along the year if I am just constantly telling myself soothing things that’ll change eventually? Because what if it doesn’t and I’ve wasted time saying “Eventually” instead of “I’ll devote myself to other things instead and be myself and happy and full of life all the time.”

Because I have Someone who understands. And there’s a divine, beautiful reason I am where I am in life. It’s not that He’s forgotten about me while He was busy setting all my dear friends up with their other half. I tell myself that that’s the case sometimes, but that’s a lie. A straight-up lie.

He gave me a purpose just as much as He’s given them. My opportunities are basically limitless at this point–I could do so many things, make such a difference in the world. But I hold myself back because I keep repeating the “well, next year things will be different” argument. And maybe it will be different next year and I’ll have a boyfriend, but I cannot put my life on hold because of the “next year” thought.

I need to follow Him. See what He has for me NOW in this season of my life, not the next or the one after that. I’ve been delaying following for so long. Too scared to give up and feel like it’d be abandoning something. But all the time the only thing I was abandoning was His purpose for me in the here-and-now.

So here I go. I’ll keep you all posted. Because there’s more out there for me, and I’m about to find out what it could be. I’ll leave with this beautiful thought from CS Lewis (AKA my favorite writer, no questions asked). Oh, and Merry Christmas. 🙂

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Thoughts from this single lady (& confessions & resolutions)

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