Uncategorized

What I’ve Learned From “True Love Dates”

I’ve shared on my blog before how I’ve loved helping out behind-the-scenes on truelovedates.com for a few months now. In addition, I’ve been reading through the book True Loves Dates by Debra Fileta. It’s such a joy to communicate via email with her to start with, but this book is SO GOOD.

Seriously, if you’re single (or if you even KNOW a single person, AKA everyone), stop what you’re doing and start reading this book.

It’s really been eye-opening (I’m almost done with it!). The book is divided into three portions: Dating Inward (all about getting to know yourself and figuring out who you are as a human being before you decide to get involved with another human being), Dating Outward (this section covers basically everything you’ve ever wondered about relationships in general), and Dating Upward (focusing on your relationship with God and how it pertains to your relationships).

Just a few quotes from the book that have really jumped out at me:

  • “God wants you to get to know him with at least the same passion with which you desire to get to know your future mate.” (page 165)
  • “Something has gone terribly wrong when young Christians believe that their main purpose in life is to find marital love. This dangerous belief robs us of joy and true purpose.” (page 136)
  • “As we learn to love God, it’s crucial to remember that love is more than a feeling. It’s a choice.” (page 139)
  • “When your heart is focused on the eternal, the temporal world takes on new shape and meaning. Your relationship status and your desire to be married may never disappear, but they stop controlling your life.” (page 128)

And this is probably my favorite:

“You will never feel whole in the presence of your mate if you don’t feel whole standing alone.” (page 135)

I’ve chronicled on here frequently how being single for all these years has made me the person I am today. Between all God has taught me personally during this time and reading Debra’s book, I totally feel like I am much more prepared for a future relationship now than I would have been a few years or even months ago. 

So, seriously, go check it out, no matter your relationship status!

Image

Advertisements
Standard
Uncategorized

…When You’ve Never Been Asked Out

I had a wonderful opportunity recently to write a guest post for TrueLoveDates.com. I’ve been helping with behind-the-scenes work on the site for the last few months, but I was really grateful for the chance to write and have a published author look over my work.

I’ve written posts on my personal blog (this one) similar to this post, but none of them have been quite this…painful…to write. I went really raw and decided to reveal the entire world something that I’ve purposefully kept on the DL for awhile now. I wasn’t sure what the response would be or whether I would be looked at differently for writing it, but the response so far to the post has been so supportive, and a lot of people have mentioned how they have similar stories. I’ve been incredibly touched by all the comments.

My big secret? I’ve never been asked out.

But I wanted to share how good God has been to me during this time. And I’m so glad to know that God is using the post to speak to others. 

 

Standard
Uncategorized

Being OK With Being Single

I realized today just how many of my Facebook friends are married. It’s a little overwhelming, to be completely honest. I was doing a mini purge of my friends list when it hit me: Almost one in every five profile photos was a wedding portrait.

Talk about overwhelming.

For years and years, I’ve struggled with being alone. I haven’t necessarily tried to even settle, mostly because the opportunities to settle haven’t been there (which, I realize, is a blessing in the long run). The opportunities for dating have been few and far between for me. And I mean FAR.

When I initially left for college, I had my life planned out perfectly: get my degree, find a great guy, get engaged, get married the summer after graduation. I actually thought that would happen exactly. HA, HA, HA. Oh, young Molly. You had so much to learn.

None of that happened (besides getting my degree. HOLLA!). 

As a result, I spent the greater part of at least four years moping about my singleness. You know, the whole “woe is me” routine. I ate a lot of ice cream at times. Struggled with depression a lot, especially during the holidays.

Image

But, though a series of events in the past few weeks, I’ve really come to embrace my relationship status. To see God’s goodness in it. To feel at peace with it. This blog post was a huge help. God is still working on me, teaching me things, forcing me to rely on Him.

I know and believe it will all come together someday. I didn’t always believe that, but God has really been speaking to me lately that He has a plan for me. Patience is SO HARD, but I would also never want to force something outside of God’s timeline. I’ve tried that in the past and the results are never good.

Whether I wait five days, five weeks, five months, five years or more for God to bring a man into my life, I’ll wait. Because it will be worth it.

Image

Standard
Soul-bearing

This is a post I’ve wanted to write for awhile, but haven’t. Fought in my soul. Fought my fingers from writing it. Because it hurt too much to put down, I thought. To admit it out loud. To share these things that well up within me but I fight away, as if it makes them less of thoughts.

But then I read this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, etc. blog post  and I realized I could, even though she basically already said so many things so perfectly that I may just end up repeating things in a less graceful way.

See, there’s this thing that happens all the time, but seem to intensify leaps and bounds during this magical time of year. And by that, I mean: CHRISTMAS.

I love the holidays. Thanksgiving through New Year’s = my favorite stretch of the year. I would live it 365 if possible. I love the music, the spirit, the shopping (mostly), the parties, the food…you get the idea. But there’s an underbelly to the holidays that I hate that I get sucked up into.

It’s the desire for someone special to share the holidays with.

When it became a thing feel like poo at Christmas because you have no one to kiss under the mistletoe, I don’t know. I blame those “Every Kiss Begins with Kay” commercials. But I get sucked up into it every stinkin’ year. I resist for awhile and tell myself, “This year, I’ll be juuusssttt fine.” And then the first holiday party happens (you know, the one where everyone else has a significant other except you) and I find myself not just fine and eating a bowl of peppermint ice cream (for the holidays, ya know?).

It already happened to me this year before I went to a party. I was thinking about an annual get-together my family has with dear friends and remembered that every year I think to myself, “This time next year, I’ll be bringing a boyfriend.” I tell myself that to get me through the current year. It makes it seem OK for the moment.

But it’s not. It’s not OK that I tell myself that just to make it through. Because that is not what my life is all about.

What will I miss along the year if I am just constantly telling myself soothing things that’ll change eventually? Because what if it doesn’t and I’ve wasted time saying “Eventually” instead of “I’ll devote myself to other things instead and be myself and happy and full of life all the time.”

Because I have Someone who understands. And there’s a divine, beautiful reason I am where I am in life. It’s not that He’s forgotten about me while He was busy setting all my dear friends up with their other half. I tell myself that that’s the case sometimes, but that’s a lie. A straight-up lie.

He gave me a purpose just as much as He’s given them. My opportunities are basically limitless at this point–I could do so many things, make such a difference in the world. But I hold myself back because I keep repeating the “well, next year things will be different” argument. And maybe it will be different next year and I’ll have a boyfriend, but I cannot put my life on hold because of the “next year” thought.

I need to follow Him. See what He has for me NOW in this season of my life, not the next or the one after that. I’ve been delaying following for so long. Too scared to give up and feel like it’d be abandoning something. But all the time the only thing I was abandoning was His purpose for me in the here-and-now.

So here I go. I’ll keep you all posted. Because there’s more out there for me, and I’m about to find out what it could be. I’ll leave with this beautiful thought from CS Lewis (AKA my favorite writer, no questions asked). Oh, and Merry Christmas. 🙂

il_fullxfull.254819973

Thoughts from this single lady (& confessions & resolutions)

Aside